Future Plans

I have four days left here in Bangalore before I fly up north to the Himalayas. I'll begin the trip in Dheli, for a day, but ultimately in Dharamshala, the shanty town of the Tibetan exiles. I've chosen to do a meditation retreat there for 15+ days.

The meditation centre has a 360 view of the Himalayas. We spend a couple hours a day roaming around in the small acreage of land (the walking meditation, which precedes the creative meditation), letting the mountains breathe through us (I assume, but I can't have expectations for this, since I have absolutely no clue as to what I'm really getting into).

This trip couldn't come at a better time. The last few days, as I prepare for bed each night, my mind becomes consumed with what ifs and overwhelmed at the options that lie ahead. I hope this meditation will ease the transition of not only returning from abroad, but becoming accustomed to living back in Portland, at home, done with the first round of school, and away from many friends.

I also just kinda want to trip. I wouldn't have signed onto this trip if I didn't think, riding through the pain and suffering, there'd be any amount of pleasure. After all, the life occurrences that aren't necessary should be pleasurable. It's up to ourselves to determine the definition of pleasure. And, for that matter, "fun".

All I know is I want to do meaningful work, laugh with friends, and not sweat the little things. But I also am an American and have outrageously high ambitions, of which foregoing may be hardly an option. I've learned that I can't avoid listening to that overpowering voice in my heart. It never seems to even take a minute to shut up and let me be. And while that's produced a lot of suffering, it's also gotten me many places, including here. We've created quite a symbiotic friendship, and I've learned to trust it.

Also, it will help me in my further work. All professional roles I foresee in my future involve talking to people and deeply absorbing what it is they have to say. Talking. To. People. I may get caught in whirlwinds all the time and I have to be prepared; I have to be in the moment. And if continuing meditation after this course will benefit me not only personally, but my friends and family and my future career, then I will take the time necessary out of each day to work toward that.

I know that once I catch a glimpse of something, I work hard to fully rise to that stage, even if the end goal is not guaranteed. If there's one thing I've learned from constantly contemplating mortality in this often ruthless and unpredictable city, is that the only true "end" goal is death. OR, when faced with a finite task, the non-guarantee and exactly the opposite--staying alive. All other goals are simply milestones, hardly crowned achievements. Though celebrations are always a good time...

Though it's a silent meditation, everyday there's a 30 minute personal Q & A session with the leader so we can make sure we're interpreting the material correctly. This is a meditation school. I see this as a valuable technique because it's my personal belief that misinterpretations of self and of "worldly" teachings can stunt further growth.

After the 15 days, I have a choice of staying for a third week for the most intense portion of the meditation, which even at this point I think I could be ready for. If I decide to leave, however, I have planned a 4-day trek through the Himalayas. We reach a pretty damn high elevation, and it would help me to recognize my being and understand my limitations.


I don't know what's after this life--no one does. And no matter how strong my mind is, if I can't use my bodily energy to do well in this world then I don't see much point sitting and contemplating it.

Might make for a great travel story to pitch as well. I've got some pretty cool ideas and angles in the making.



I'll try and write another blog entry before I leave. If I end up being too busy with last-minute adventures, then I'll catch y'all in America.